A Psalm

The thick darkness hangs low.

The wind whips in ominous circles.

The waves froth and grow steadily.

I tread in the dark, icy water. Anxiety from the looming shadows below keep my head from sinking beneath the surface. Numbness provides the only respite from the urgency and pain within.

Something pulls beneath; I labor and contest.

I glance up, my eyes piercing the sky, looking, searching. Where have You gone? 

Have You forgotten me? Have You left me here to slink beneath, to be covered by a landslide of my own making--my own mental instability and perceived expectations and pressures?

How long, Lord, must I struggle? How long will You allow me to linger through the hours and days in this way? 

But I see You--even if I have escaped Your watchful eye; even if You have thrusted me aside. I see You. 

I see You in the long-lashed grey-blue eyes of those who call me "Mama".

I see You in their tussled, soft, sandy hair warmed by the sun.

I see You in the glorious pink and coral and fiery orange of a sunset and just hours later the soft white glow of a promised new day.

I see You in the light green shoot that peaks through the ground after a harsh winter.

I see You in the full blooms of late summer and the vibrant colors that clothe the trees each fall. 

I hear You in the pitter-patter of small feet across the bare wood floor.

I hear You in the sloshing of gentle rain drops as they kiss cheeks and refresh the earth on a warm summer night.

I hear You in the child's soft voice as he melodiously sings out his own song.

I hear You in the sharp cries of new life and the shrillness of early morning chorus.

I smell Your peace in the crisp air of a fresh snow.

I smell Your love in the rugged scent of smoke and fire as they ravage in a campfire pit.

I smell Your goodness in warm baked vanilla, cinnamon, and almond aromas. 

I feel You in the delicate assuring, familiar touch of someone loved.

I feel You in a soft fleece cover on a brisk night.

I feel you in a gentle kiss and a tight squeeze. Your arms are forever holding me tight. Your strong palm is supporting me.  

I taste Your goodness in the sweetness of a summer berry, in the crispness of fall's fruit, and in delectable winter treats.

I taste Your sustenance in a cool drink of water and Your care and creativity in flavors that excite  and infuse, blend and brew.

You have not turned from me.

You have not forgotten me.

You are the shadow I see beneath holding me up.

You provide the respite to fuel me and grow me to experience better things.

You are breaking me through the violent winds and shaping me through these tumultuous waves.

You are molding me into a stronger vessel--into Your perfect creature.

In time, You will lift me up. You will take me from darkness into light, from frozen waters to a glorious eternity.    

You, Lord, are good.

When the storms rage, I will find my rest in you.

When I can't see You, I will catch glimpses of your presence in the goodness you provide.

I will praise Your name forever, Lord.
In the darkness, and in the light, I will praise you!