This Is Me: an Introduction

It's been almost 10 years now since I dreamed up this blog. I meticulously designed and re-designed. I named it and then renamed it. I wrote and deleted, and wrote and deleted. Although I had hoped that writing my thoughts might give me clarity of mind, it has made something else painfully clear... I am not a writer. At 2 AM, I write some really good material in my head but by 6 AM it has either completely fled my memory, or it simply isn't as profound or witty as it seemed then. Although I hold to the fact that I do some of my best thinking at those unwholesome hours, I do not do my best writing then. To be completely honest, I have learned in the last 10 years that I am an average writer, at best, but have virtually nothing to say. 

Motherhood has made me a better person in so many ways. I am less selfish, stronger, and more honest with myself than I ever thought humanly possible. But, motherhood has also jumbled my thoughts, induced a mushy intellect, and caused me to be far more feelings-driven than guided by evidence or thoughtfulness. But, this is who I have become. And if this is who I am as a wife and mother, then this is the best version of me there is. This is who I am and who I want to be.

A few months ago, my 5-year-old discovered the film "The Greatest Showman". She is crazy about it and, as instructed, we called her Anne (after Anne Wheeler, the trapeze artist) for several weeks. Although the music is phenomenal and both the acrobatic and vocal talent astounding, the best part of this movie is certainly its message of self-love, acceptance, and embracing difference. Although this has been a great conversation starter while discussing recent racial tension and racial diversity/inequality with little ones, it has also spoke deeply to my own heart. Insecurities have always run very deep for me--the reasons are complex and multifaceted yet also very simple. I want to be perfect. I want to be the best version of everyone else. But, 'this is me.' I am a homemaker (not an entrepreneur); I am a reader of children's books (not classical literature); I am a crafter (not an artist); I feel an energy high after a nap (not a marathon); I am a diy-er because of budget constrictions (not because of a general know-how or creativity); I am a cook of mac 'n' cheese (not ethnic cuisine), I am getting by in many ways rather than thriving. But, for now, that is enough.

Learning to embrace 'me' has been a long battle, one of which I am still very much in the trenches. But this blog is just one step in the right direction toward the honest 'me' I am striving to be. I hope to make this a portfolio of raw emotion--sharing my own learned lessons, successes, and defeats, honest reality--simple recipes, tricks, and daily shortcuts, and what I have to offer--crafts, diy projects and activities, and sometimes a good, humbling laugh. This is my gift to me as I strive to embrace who I am. And it is my gift to you, friend, as I share what I do know so it can be tucked into your toolbelt of motherhood and complement what you already do so well. 

This is me. And here we go.

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